Thinking About Hiring a Friend For Your Wedding Day?

I always hear my friends say that they have a friend who can take pictures, coordinate, or caterer their wedding. My first reaction is ALWAYS "umm are you sure they have worked a wedding?" Weddings are always another ball game that many people think they can do, but when given the chance they face plant hard. This is one event you don't want to mess up and it could possibly ruin your relationship.

I have planned, coordinated over 100 weddings and events. I have witnessed firsthand what happens when you hire a friend aka what we call a "friendor". Below are a couple of examples of why you should think twice before doing this.

Studio Photographer

In 2016, my team and I coordinated a beautiful outdoor wedding fit for a princess. The couple wanted to save money and said "we have a family friend who is a photographer and we have asked her to help us out". I tried as always to sway them in another direction. They were set on this decision. So, I offered some other advice

1. Make sure to get it in writing

2. Pay your friend a little with a gift card. They should be compensated for their hard work.

3. Be honest about what they have to do on your special day.

4. Remember your friend is no longer a guest.

The day of the wedding started off not so great. Their friendor was nowhere to be found for getting ready pictures. As a coordinator, Prior to the wedding date, I had communicated to her what time she needed to arrive. Then for the actual wedding ceremony, she requested to pose them ahead of time instead of capturing it at the moment. Taking vital time away from the actual wedding day.

After the wedding was completed. The bride and groom received very poor images and explained to me that none of their pictures captured their day properly. They ended up only using a few photos from guests' phones.

This is not The Wedding Planner

This wedding I was a guest at. They did ask me to do their wedding but when I had told them that I wouldn't do it for free they decided to go with a friendor. This is how their day went.

4-day Indian wedding. 1st day restuarant dropped off food for 300 guests. The friendor said herself and two other people she brought with her would set up the chafing dishes, and have the food ready to go in time. 300 guests arrived to the reception hall to find 1 buffet line, 1 sided, all dishes were still cold. The friend was getting yelled at by the family. Which explained to her with a 300 guest count there should have been two buffet lines, double sided and the food needed to be warm already. Clearly she was not prepared and told the couple later that day that she had decided that she didn't want to coordinate the wedding any further.

From her lack of experience she would have told the bride and groom to hire extra staff to handle the arrival of food, heating it up, replenishing it, also bus boys to clean up plates at the end of the evening. As a experienced coordinator she wouldn't have taken on this responsibility knowing that she had other responsibilites that day to handle that had slipped through the cracks because she was busy handling the food chaos.

Avoid the headache

Planning a wedding is a production in itself. I understand wanting to save money but I also understand the reprucussions from saving money in the wrong places. Make the smart choice and hire a professional. If you still want to hire a friendor remember to always

1. Make sure to get it in writing

2. Pay your friend a little with a gift card. They should be compensated for their hard work.

3. Be honest about what they have to do on your special day.

4. Remember your friend is no longer a guest.

Or just take my advice and keep them in the friend zone.